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Saturday, February 01, 2003

Once again I've been rather lax in updating things, so here's another quickie to tide everyone over: The Toque (Canada's Source for Humour and Satire). While very similar to The Onion, The Toque's uniquely Canuckian spin is always a treat for those of us from The Great White North.

Some Toque Highlights are:

Snuffleupagus Promises To Wipe Out Scourge of Non-Believers

Animal Control Fighting Smurf Infestation

Freman Sand Claims Spicing Up

Forest Satyrs To Be Protected Under New Law

Trolling For Sport and Profit


posted by Kusari 4:09 PM

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

It seems to me that I haven't been quite clear on just how strange I am. Well, it seems high time to correct this little omission, so, for your reading bewilderment, here is a little story I wrote for my local writer's group.

The idea was for each member of the group to submit a phrase, then we all had to write a piece that incorporated all the phrases.

The four phrases I had to work with were:

"to bestow blessings"

"to be or not to be"

"I like lemurs"


"I no longer listen"

I'll let everyone figure out which phrase I suggested as they read the following…

Dateline… January 22nd, 2003…

The location: The backroom of a small and oddly chilly store…

Our intrepid hero, the dashing young Mr. Whyte attends a writer's meeting…

"…And then we will each write a piece that incorporates the phrases suggested by…"

{{{"Boy, I really like lemurs, they're just so cool! All furry, hopping about, with those long tales, dangling from trees… Man, I really like lemurs…"}}}

"'I like Lemurs', such a simple statement, but little does this man know where such a thought will carry him, now that he's crossed over into the Twi-Whyte Zone… "

[The room grows colder, somehow, time itself begins to freeze over…]





"Greetings Dylon, I am Mr. Plixilmizz, your Pixie Godfather, I am here to bestow blessings upon you"

"I don't know who you are and I don't care, you ain't bestowing nothing on me, Fairy Dude"

"That's Pixie…"

"Fairy! Pixie! You seriously can't tell me there's a difference when you're dressed like ~that~, lime-green chenille is soooooo 80's, bud. Hey, wait a second, that's odd, everything is really quiet, I could have sworn…"

"I have frozen time itself so that I could speak with you about the blessings I am here to bestow…"

"Mmmmmmmm, What kind of 'blessings' are we talkin' about here? Can you teach me that little time stopping trick? I can think of a couple of good…"

"No, I have been sent to bestow upon you the gift of lemurdom! You see, Lemurs are not actually natural creatures, they are highly evolved life-forms which have transcended the cares of the normal world. With a single wave of my wand, you will be transported to the beautiful island of Madagascar, where you will spend the rest of your days hopping around and hanging from trees with all the other ascendant lemurs…"

[blink] [blink]

{{{I wonder just what Toby put in those Gingersnaps, I really have to get the recipe, wait a minute, I didn't eat…}}}

"But what if I don't want to be a lemur? What if I want to be a dolphin instead, I mean, Man, Dolphins are really where it's at, swimming around all day in the sun…"

"To be or not to be a lemur, this is the blessing which I have to bestow. If you want to swim around all day, you have to invoke Charlie, the Sun…"

"Oh, don't even say it, that is not even remotely amusing…"

"Look kid, you're the one who summoned me here, either you want to live out the rest of your life in Lemur-bliss or your don't."

"What do you mean I summoned you?"

"Your imagination kid, it brought me into existence and now I have to power to make you happy forever…"

"Do'h! You mean that you're just another one of those things that roams around in my head?"

"Well, technically, yes…"

"Sigh, I've had to deal with this before… How ~did~ I get rid of the last one… oh yes… close my eyes and think 'I no longer listen, I no longer listen'"


"…and what phrase would you like to contribute, Dylon?"

"Ummmmmm, Ummmmmmmm, I like lemurs?"

posted by Kusari 10:31 PM

Here's a couple of quickies…

Scroll all the way down this Ebay listing and take a good look at the screen of the TV and from Face the, some really cool B&W photos from a very talented young photographer.

posted by Kusari 9:07 PM

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